Consult

Had our genetics consult yesterday.   First off... Everything is fine... No follow up needed.   He explained that two soft markers,  specifically Echogenic foci were seen in the heart.   They are  areas of increased calcification.   A better predictive test of chromosomal abnormalities would be an IPS... My blood work... Which was fine.   Basically,  technology is showing the more.... And therefore more follow-up is needed.   They are trying to change the criteria to higher number of markers before a genetics consult.   He was lovely,  did a subjective assessment,  measured my belly and listened to baby.   Told us the markers have no short or long term tern effects... Everything  is as it should be.

Movement and growing belly!!

So...I am over half way now....20 weeks and counting! Crazy how time does fly by.  I have a feeling the second half will go by faster with work getting busy, Christmas, the new year...and then only a few months!

I am now feeling movement.  A couple weeks ago I thought I have felt something one night...but it was fleeting and didn't happen again. It was different from any other sensation...so I figured it must be the baby moving.  Many had said it would feel like gas bubbles or nervous stomach.  For me....it's literally like someone flick me from the inside....huh...funny eh:)  If I had to describe it, I would say it's like a muscle that pulses and twitches out of the blue.  Since that first time it was occurred more often, more in the evening or when I am still.  I didn't realize initially that babies protect themselves and stay still while we are moving (or they are lulled to sleep) and then move when we are still...so they don't get hurt.  Interesting...  So..yes..our little bambino is letting me know more he/she is there.  Dennis hasn't had a chance to feel it yet as the movement isn't always consistent.   It is such a cool and weird feeling all at once.    I will admit..I poke back a bit to see if I can get a response...nothing yet!!


As for my growing belly, it is. A week ago I posted a picture for those bugging me on facebook.  As expected jokes were thrown around about "where is it??" Well for me there was a little bump.  Since then I think I have grown mover over the past week.  Everyone at work was commenting last week.  I am by no means huge and with baggy clothes it is hard to tell...but there is definitely a belly there.  My jeans agree! THEY no longer fit. I was able to stay a bit in denial with scrubs and stretchy pants at work, but as my shirts appeared to be shrinking in length, my pants were in width. So I have cracked into the maternity stash given to me by a friend and have had my first shopping spree.  I had coupons that expired for Thyme....I must say came out with quite a bit at a great price! Dennis was a trooper and sat there giving me advice on what looked good or not.  The whole pretend belly thing you strap on is interesting....how am I going to sit down and tie my shoes!!?:) ha!  Let alone work...time will tell.  Anyway...was fun.  There are some cute maternity clothes.  I will admit though...they aren't cheap full price...glad I don't dress up for work. Scrubs and yoga style pants for this girl!   Will post a new belly pic soon....where you can see my belly....

Nineteen week Ultrasound...

Had our anatomy ultrasound last week.  It is technically our final ultrasound unless some issues arise along the way.  Unfortunately we couldn't have it at SOFT, but we were able to schedule it at work...which was SO convenient for both of us.   The technician was lovely and did let Dennis in at the end, explained some of the things she was measuring and gave us 4-5 pictures.  Apparently our baby is an acrobat and was doing somersaults a couple times.

But.....SO different from SOFT.  We were definitely very spoiled.  At SOFT we would have a 40 inch ish TV in front of us, Dennis would be in the room for the whole thing and the quality of the pictures was much different.   But..in the end we still got to see our little one once again on the screen.  The detail is quite amazing, bones, cerebellum, ventricles in the brain...amazing!!

A couple days later I did get a bit of a scare.  The midwife called and told me that two soft markers were found in the babies heart.  Specifically, the are called "echogenic markers"; bright spots seen on ultrasound.  These markers can indicates chromosomal abnormalities but can also be quite common.  She said that all measurements were as expected and that my IPS (integrated prenatal screen) blood work was great!  So, likely no concern.  However, it was standard protocol to offer us a genetic consult.  (We have an appointment booked for next week).  I will admit..at first I was taken a back and had a mini melt down in our office at work.  (Serves me right for calling back at the end of lunch).  Thankful for some colleagues who calmed me down and reassured it was probably fine).  After doing some reading and talking to friends who had similar findings and genetics had no concerns...I felt better.

Here is a paragraph from a web site I found helpful.

Echogenic foci in the ventricles of the heart (golf balls)

'Golf balls' appear as small white balls attached to a muscle in the heart, most commonly in the left ventricle. Though occasionally associated with heart defects or chromosomal abnormalities, they are very common (about 4 per cent of babies have them) and most are probably a variation of normal; they are seen more frequently in babies of thin mothers, whose ultrasounds are clearer.

http://www.babycenter.ca/a557439/ultrasound-markers

120 Day mark...

Early in my pregnancy I was talking with a friend of mine about not feeling connected, the nerves of being okay to feel happy and excited.  Those doubts early on really persist in the back of your mind.  Once I hit the 12 week mark I figured I was fairly safe.  She told me with her pregnancy she didn't feel settled till her 120th day pregnant...which marked the time with the soul enters the baby.  She told me to try and pay attention around that time and see if I felt any different.    Unfortunately I was sick around that time so it was hard to tell if I felt different or not.  I have overall been fairly calm....OVERALL...not all the time!:)

Either way..the concept really did intrigue me.  I am not sure how this day was chosen or determined but was a neat concept of thought. I looked up a few things and found it is a Yogi tradition and something that is quite celebrated as a milestone in some cultures.

Here is a link that I found explained it.....http://www.kundaliniwomen.org/pregnancy_pages/120th_day.html

So much stuff for such a little one!!

We have been very fortunate so far to have received so much stuff from friends for myself and our little one to be.  I have 2 bags of maternity clothes from one friend which will help out immensely!!  I have dipped into it once for a t shirt...but have a feeling will be using them more and more.  I have a tote that I am slowly putting summer clothes and  clothes that don't fit in.  I need room for my new wardrobe!!!  

Another great friend sent us home with a truck load of stuff. Thanks so much!!  Part of us feels guilty for taking so much stuff but on the other hand we are: 1) helping the environment by reusing things...baby doesn't need brand new everything and 2) helping out people clear out their basements!! Guess the perk of having children later is most of our friends are past the baby stage and ready to clean out!  We have had lots of clothes offers to..."if you have a girl....." more totes to come!!  We do appreciate it immensely as we know that babies are not cheap!!

We went the other day to look at car seats, cribs etc. wow!!  The stores are so overwhelming, especially place like Babies R us where there is so much other stuff.   We want to make sure baby has what it needs but we aren't into the excessive buying that can happen.  We also weren't sure...what to buy, what brand is good, what do you buy new, used etc.  A book that has been super helpful has been Baby Bargains. It is from the U.S. but talks about canadian stuff too. Really great at helping weed out the needs, wants and good/ bad brands and stores.

So..the fun begins and we are researching and watching flyers.  Any tips, advice on what you couldn't live without or what you bought and wish you hadn't is always welcome..

17 weeks and counting...

Thought it was time I did a post update.  Not really sure what I have been doing with my time but I have felt busy. Really I am not that busy just not interested in doing much more than  vegging  or napping..   Many told me this second trimester is the honeymoon phase....not sure I agree.   Don't get me wrong, it is not awful and I am not complaining...much:). I continue to not be vomiting...which to me is awesome....so everything else is peanuts.  Still nausea and aversions and some fatigue.  That being said I have been able to do more than the first three months, getting to the gym for a light work out a few times a week.  I have spoken with some and here I might still get that reprieve for a few weeks...still hope!!

Otherwise...things are going great.  I don't feel any movement yet....I don't think.  I can feel the top of my uterus...pretty neat!  It is just below my belly button now.    Saw the mid wife last week and blood work is good, heart beat normal.  We see her in a couple weeks again.

Am  I showing?  For me..yes..but not always noticeable with  my clothes.  I just have a bit of a belly at times.  This picture  is from week sixteen.  We are trying to do one every couple weeks or so.   I can still "suck it in" a bit but that is getting harder.   Plus...Dennis is worried when I do that...thinks I am  making the baby claustrophobic!!

Love. My. Naps

I was never a big napper before...but I must say they are so nice...even a quick half hour revives you. Day off today, at a friends cottage for a girls weekend.  Three preggos...three none.  Three will be grazing over food and napping. Three will be drinking..:)

Not sure if I should continue this blog or not. Mi am thinking I will and see if people are still following and interested.  This is still part of our journey and I am sure I will find things to write about as my body changes.

We have received so much love and support, more I should say since we have become more public.  People who I thought would be happy for us are tearing up and exuberant!  It is quite touching actually.   A chunk of people at work know...but many don't including patients. I figure as I start showing they will find out.   One family member however has guessed...asked Dennis first to be safe.  Says she knew three weeks ago.  By my eyes....weird...some sixth sense she has.

Many wonder if I am showing yet.  Those that know me well think I am a bit...I might have a bit of a paunch.  I feel it more as a bloaty feeling when I over eat.  My clothes fit...some a bit snigger around the hips....but my stretchy pants will do just fine for awhile hopefully.  Time will tell..  The question is will I go wide or forward ..or both??

The big question people are asking...will we find out the sex??  Yes.....when it is born!  We want the surprise.  Waited this long...and I am okay with neutral colours to start.  Sorry to all those waiting to unload gender specific stuff:).

As we are settling into the fact that things are proceeding and going well I am allowing myself to be excited and start planning.  We have no clue about names..so we will start looking.  I was not one of those girls who had names picked out at 15.  Plus...we are finding a lot get vetoed because they remind us of patients or people we don't want reminding of !!  It happens...you all know it.  Also staring to think about what we need and have offers from many to "come see what we have" so we are!!  Any advice is welcomed as well.  Good strollers, cribs, etc?  Just remember no disrespect if we don't take it.

Anyway...back to reading my book before the drinking girls arrive.   Please message me if you want to know about anything specific...open to ideas...

Men are from mars...women are from Venus....

I started this post a couple weeks back..but still think it's worth finishing and posting...

We have all heard this saying and a few may have read the book. It may be a generalization...but in my world and many of my friends...this is so true.  I was talking with a good friend about some recent "talks" Dennis and I have had and realized I am not a lone in the situations that occur or how they make me feel.   We had a good laugh talking about it....which is good because in the moment I want to ring my Martian husbands neck!  I am sure he has some plans for me then too!!:)

I think most of my followers are women so you likely can relate. As for the men..you will relate but likely from a different point of view.  I have talked a lot about hormones and emotions and how they make you feel good and other times....awful.  Normally(no pregnancy) us women can get mildly irrational and a little over the top. In the moment it is like a tidal wave going through you...you know you are losing it over likely nothing but it feels so real and so important.  I am not saying it never is...but it is that overpowering feeling. Usually during these times I probably get short, nit picky,etc, etc...because EVERYTHING is annoying.   In some of those down moments all I want is Dennis to see I am struggling, ask if I am okay,("did you have a bad day?"), talk, give me a hug so I can cry it out.  But usually the opposite occurs.  He avoids me, thinking space is what I need (because that is what he would want).  By this time I am upset, he hasn't come to comfort me, infuriated he thinks nothing is wrong. I then start to ask...maybe demand through sobs what I need.  "GIVE ME A HUG".  His response is often..you want me to hug you when you are snapping and sometimes being mean? "you want me to hug that??(ie me)"  YES!!  To me he should understand why I am upset, understand the emotions going through my body, but he doesn't.  Really it is no fault of his own...I don't think guys get these surges.    The problem is I think they struggle with understanding where it comes from, that it is not a personal attack.

So...this happened last week after a long tiring day at work. I was exhausted. I was running around the house trying to get things packed to go away for the weekend...and one of these moment in sued.  I was telling my girlfriend about this.  Last year around this time she was pregnant.  She asked me if I remembered a similar conversation where her and her husband didn't' talk for a couple days because of this.  I hadn't in the moment but now that she was mentioning it I did....made me feel better that...we aren't the only dysfunctional couple around...that we are likely part of the majority.  I try pointing this out to Dennis...but not sure if he buys it. I think he things I am a little looney, pregnancy and injection hormonal!!

Regardless, we make it through these crazy times and love each other just the same....but ask us in those moments....yes always love....but maybe not like so much!

Facebook official!!!:)

So many of you that are following my blog are facebook friends. So you will know that it is public knowledge now that we are expecting!!  We had our 12 week, IPS (Integrated Prenatal Screening) ultrasound and blood work yesterday.    What an amazing experience... I was really nervous going in...stomach a bit in knots.  I know things were fine as we have had lots of ultrasounds and heard the heart beat only a week ago.  But, my mind kept going to being blindsided at our last 12 week ultrasound. I just need to get there...and see everything was okay.

The ultrasound tech ...is just amazing.  She explained, as much as she is allowed, what we were seeing and she was doing.   Baby was cooperative but wiggled and turned around a lot.  Legs were crossed, uncrossed, hands up, down.  It's amazing how much MORE detail from two weeks ago we could see.  She told us that basically everything but the grey matter in the brain is developed by this time.  Now it just needs to grow!! We don't have official results but didn't seem like anything jumped out.  Another positive was my subchorionic bleed...was just teeny tiny!      So...we enjoyed the 30-45 minutes of watching our baby, quite in awe and at the end got to do a video with the heart beat.  We were hoping to see it move....but apparently baby is camera shy!  

Was a bit sad leaving SOFT that day...as with all the regulatory body issues going on we might not be able to do our 18 week IPS there.:(  They are just as disappointed but are just waiting for things to be allowed legally again. We have our fingers crossed that things will change before then....but if not we have to go to a general ultrasound clinic...which won't be the same treatment. Oh well.  I promised we would be in lots through the pregnancy and after.  Hugs were given all around.   We showed them our "announcement" picture and Brad sent me some pdf versions of a few ultrasound pics.  They have been an amazing team and support....almost become like family with all the time spent there.

So...needles to say we are very excited and relieved at the same time.  No sooner had we posted a couple pictures we were getting responses, emails and texts from everyone! The love and support from all of you is so overwhelming.  Those of you who have been with us through the journey know how very special this is.   I want to thank you for all of your love, support and good vibes thus far!! It means more to us than you will ever know...

Here are a few pictures....

Meeting my Midwife

Had our first midwife appointment today. Yes...it is labour day but she said she was on call..so why not see people.  First impression were great!! First off her name is Leanne...enough said!:)  Seriously though we both liked her personality and I just have a good vibe from her.  With our first pregnancy we went to our intake meeting but then miscarried.  The other midwife was nice but I just didn't feel comfortable walking out of there, like I did today. Maybe my body sensed what was happening...who knows.  She seems lovely, the appointment was thorough but fairly quick.  The best part is we got to hear the heart beat again! yay!  That will tide me over for another week till our 12 week prenatal screen ultrasound and bloodwork.  I was getting a bit nervous and anxious. Yes, things have been good so far....but the 12 week was our blind side shock last time...so I think some nerves are reasonable.

As an aside...here is an article SOFT posted on their facebook page. It talks about adoption but much of what the article says is how I sort of feel at times.  Nervous to allow yourself to be happy and experience the psychological joys of pregnancy...interesting read..http://www.resolve.org/family-building-options/adoption/preparing-for-parenthood-via-adoption.html

We have movement!!

Okay...so I can't feel anything....of course.  But you should have seen how much it was moving on the ultrasound today.  I think we both were a bit shocked.   This picture doesn't do the images we saw justice.    It is so amazing a SOFT...watching as the tech does the ultrasound..on a huge screen!!  One of the perks of going through SO many ultrasounds there for so long...is this benefit.  A mammoth screen and being told a bit about what is being seen!

So, a lot has happened in less than two weeks.  Big change from our last ultrasound...Our little..."we haven't given it a nick name yet...time to"...has really grown and developed.  It's heart rate was 179 today and it was moving like crazy.  It's little appendages were just a moving.  With a couple views we had a good profile and could see a nose and some facial structures.  The tech is just amazing and was able to show us it's brain, with both hemispheres visible...as well as the cord and its attachment to me.  All of this...and it's only 3 cm long.  Kind of mind boggling.  

With my chorionic bleed...it is getting smaller so that is awesome. I can start doing more activity.  If I get any bleeding or bad cramps...back off for a bit.  So...all looks good! yay!

Emotional struggle

I was back and forth about writing this post but figured I have been "keeping it real" from the beginning  and writing this usually makes me feel better or at least see things in a different light.  The past couple days I have felt more emotional, weepy and to make it simple...sad.    This feels so wrong to me and if I was someone reading this who is trying...I would think "suck it up..what is wrong...this is what you want"....I would be frustrated likely at their lack of realizing what they have.  I know I am supposed to be happy and excited...because this IS what we have been working toward...but lately...not so much.  I am not sure if I am worried and stressed as time ticks along, wishing 12 weeks was here...or if it is the raging pregnancy hormones or the daily hormone injections we are doing, or just the fact I have been so inactive lately....could be a combination of all of the above.  I feel sick saying this but I am jealous of Dennis riding the motorcycle, going out late with friends, working out and playing sports,  and I am feeling not ready "to show" yet, not sure I can do this.  I am scared I won't get a connection with this baby I am caring...which right now feels like someone else's.  I know all of this is irrational and not truly how I feel...but right now...it is real and strong.  In addition...I am likely pushing people, including Dennis away a bit.  I doubt I am the nicest person to live with right now.  I don't understand my emotions...but I expect him to know how to help me and respond. :)   I don't think I am alone in feeling this way and realize it will pass but it sucks in the moment.    Sort of feels like a prepartum sadness. I won't use the word depression...I don't think I am there...just in a slump.  So...i will take a deep breath, grab something munchy to eat, a box of tissue,  watch a show and get some sleep.  Hopefully tomorrow is a better day...I am sure it will be Thanks for listening...

Midwife vs O.B.....

I have always like the idea of a midwife.  Many friends and family have raved to me over the years about the personal touch, the consistency of care, the time they take to be with you and the follow up post delivery.  Like many things, I put in an application as soon as we got a positive.  You hear of many who do not get in. It wouldn't have been the end of the world...I am okay with an OB as well....but was leaning toward midwife.

So...we got a call! Yay!  Then we thought....should we..with the bleed and time off needed...am I considered high risk?  Consulted SOFT and were reassured that by time they stopped following me the bleed should be resolved. So...up to me which route I would like to take.  Doesn't mean when they hear more of my history they might decide I should be followed by someone else..or that if issues arise they can't /won't refer me to an O.B.

So...we have our first appointment at Womancare Midwives in a week or two...http://midwives.on.ca/  yay!!

Oh...our due date.  I for some reason did some weird counting and thought April...but nope..March 23rd!!  With IVF it isn't as easy as counting from your last period.  So...in a few weeks we will start to celebrate more and plan for some excitement in 2015!!

9 weeks!

Been awhile since I have wrote a post so thought I would do a bit of an update.  Today is the 9 week mark...so getting though slowly but surely.  Many have asked how I feeling.  To be honest I am feeling pretty good.  I can't complain...and shouldn't. We have been waiting for a long to for me to feel like this!:)  Seriously though, I think I am doing well.  My first day back to work was exhausting but I was still fighting my cold.  This week has been good so far.

As for first trimester symptoms...yes I have had a bit.  I was having a lot of aversions to things like pork chops, chicken (even swiss chalet..made me want to hurl!!)  but lately ate an A&W burger and pizza with meat.  Veggies I can eat...but not as interested in them.  But french fries, icecream...oh yeah...yum!!  So.....baby likes junk food....definitely Dennis' child.    My stomach has been nauseous at times, mainly in the afternoon if I am hungry...and then if I overeat.  Still figuring out what is best to do..but grazing seems to do the trick.  No vomiting....so I can take a churny stomach here and there!  Again...much better since kicking the cold.  Otherwise, sleeping more, napping on the weekends...but feeling good.




I am struggling a bit with how much activity to do still.  The instructions were vague. Basically this week is work, a few walks, maybe some stretches or Yoga if I feel good.  I go back on Monday for a follow up ultrasound.  So again...fingers crossed!!  I am just going by how I feel.  If I am tired, or achy or anything I rest if I can.  I haven't had any bleeding...so that is a good sign!!

As for how I am feeling...positive but still cautious.  It was around now that we lost last time...without knowing. So I am still protecting my heart a bit.  I said to a colleague..."If we get to 12 weeks I will feel better"...she corrected me "When you get to 12 weeks...."  YES..she is right....old habits are hard to break. I have had to be cautious for so long...its the natural way I speak/ think.  I am not negative and I feel we are on the right track...but can't fully commit/bond/connect yet.  This may sound awful...but I just can't.
Close friends asked us about colours for the baby room.  Yes I have always had ideas...but it seems too early, like we might be jinxing it to be talking about or deciding this yet.  A friend of mine won't have a baby shower till after the baby is born.  In their culture it is bad luck...funny how we think/ believe in things.

Thank you again to all of you who are supporting us from near and far and to those reading this I don't know.  I hope your find our journey interesting or helpful if you are struggling with similar things.  Stay tuned...will keep you posted...

OH...I keep hearing people can't comment that want to. Anyone good with blogger that knows how to make this happen?? I have on my setting that anyone can comment. Might change it to something else just to see...

Back to work for me!

In for our ultrasound this morning then spoke with the doctor.   Baby is good,  growing as expected,  heart rate 169 today.   Bleeding internally has shrunk but is still there.   Basically I can go back to work but take it easy.   If I have any bad bleeding (which I haven't in over a week)  I need to back it off a bit.   So.. I will take it day by day and see how my body responds.   I am so deconditioned right now just working will probably tire me out. :)

Another interesting thing noted were small cyst like spots as well.   Dr said could be vanishing triplets.   Yikes!   Hard to know.   Nothing to worry about...They usually just reabsorb.
So... Another step further.. Yay!!    Next ultrasound in two weeks.

Picture this time kind of fuzzy...More of a blog than a safety pin.   They will get better when we can start doing external ones.

Taking it easy

Been an interesting few days on "limited activity".  Apparently my body subconsciously didn't think I could do this limited activity thing because Thursday night I started getting a sore throat!  So yes....I have been fighting a cold and really not feeling like doing a whole lot.  The plus is I didn't feel guilty being home from work and resting since I was already here!  A couple good sleeps and I do feel much better.

The interesting part has been my stomach..Sunday I started to feel a bit queasy but wasn't sure if it was from the cold or not.  I am pretty sure it is some mild nausea now as some foods just don't interest me and my stomach is up and down being churny.  Not complaining...just amazing what our body does.  For example, Dennis' pork chop which he said was delicious the other night smelled like canned dog food! hmmm!   I am eating pretty well though...just figuring out what and when are good times.  I have a prescription for diclectin from my doctor just in case but doubt I will need it.  If it gets bad I am going to try acupuncture first.  Otherwise, feeling good.  I have been taking it easy reading, watching TV, went to our ball teams tournament and kept score.  So, "bed rest" hasn't been too bad.

Funny part is...Fozzy, our cat is also on restricted duties.  Friday I noticed him limping around, not putting weight on his back paw.  To the vet we go...likely a sprained ligament in his knee. So, anti inflammatory medication, limited activity and ice for him.  Dennis is like...great...another one needing nightly shots(his is orally) and bed rest!!:)

So, back to SOFT on thursday for an ultrasound to see how the subchorionic bleed is.  I have had no bleeding since last wednesday so I would say that is a good sign.  If all is good, I can get back to work and normal activity.   yay!!

Me...slow down...this will be fun!!

Today was our 7 week ultrasound.   Baby/embryo is good, heart beat 143 (higher than last week, which is positive) and measurements are increasing appropriately.   Looks different than our first seven week ultasound a couple years ago.  Can't see the "paddles" yet..but I trust what they say.   Last ultrasound they had noticed some small bleeding but were not concerned about the size.  While the tech  was doing measurements I was pretty sure the sub chorionic bleeding was more.  You kind of get used to watching and knowing if something is different.  She measured a big blob...which I know wasn't the embryo.

My hunch was right...I win a week off work!!!  Oh and I can't lift anything, walk too far or fast, really pretty much on a modified bed rest.  If I walk...DENNIS gets to set the pace.....that is SO painful!!!:). All kidding aside I will of course do it, but will be tough.  If anyone needs me I will be either reading or watching TV.  If it is nice I will set up shop outside.

As for cause  it is..hard to know.  It is fairly common.  They said there is nothing I have done wrong or could have done differently.  For those out there thinking I over did it(you know who you are:))...this is not the case.  Now I do have to chill and let it reabsorb.  Which I of course will do...
http://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/pregnancy-health/complications/subchorionic-bleeding.aspx

Okay..so here is our picture...

Scarier moment...take two....again all good.

Warning...for some this may be TMI...but I will try and not be too bad.   So, the other morning I had some of those mild sharp twinges again. Okay...might just get some spotting is what I thought.  On the way to work...I had that period bleeding feeling...sometimes you just can feel it.  Ladies understand.  Problem was...it was consistent.  Walking into work my capris (which thank goodness were black) felt damp.  I was scared and shaky.  In the washroom my worries and feelings were right.  My underwear was soaked and I as bleeding heavy and I passed a large "clot"...  It reminded me of my miscarriage...so I was sure that was it. I know that two days earlier everything was fine...but it was just too familiar.  So much rushes through your mind then....did I do something wrong?  Is this really happening?? I don't think I can do this again/anymore....this is it.

So, we left work and went to SOFT. They are amazing. As soon as Brad saw me he knew something was wrong.  He reassured me it was probably okay.  Dennis had thought maybe it was the embryo that didn't implant...hard to know.  So, in for another ultrasound with Shelly (who is so amazing!).  Our embryo was/is still there...phew!!   AND....we got to hear a heart beat. Two days ago she said she could see some movement but not detect the beat.  So cool!! 120 beats per minute.  So...what was the bleeding? Who knows...the main thing is everything again is good.   They said no need to change how I do anything, business, life as usual.  So after changing my clothes...I went on with the rest of day.

Thanks to my colleagues who are reading this and saw me that day.  Your support and hugs mean the world to me on this roller coaster journey!

Happy long weekend everyone.  Have a drink for me!!

Scary moment....but all good...

Had a bit of a scare the other day.  Coming home after an appointment I had quite intense, sharp pains in my abdomen.  They were more intense then the usual twinges and tweaks I am used to feeling over the past few weeks.  I was a bit worried but figured all was well.  Later that night when going to the washroom I had some bleeding. I hadn't had any spotting since implantation bleeding.  It scared me and I started to panic a bit.  Waited what I thought was awhile and was spotting more.  Rational Leanne, knowing that spotting can occur went out the window. In came, emotional, here we go with things not working Leanne.  To be fair it was the combination of the intense pain and the bleeding that worried me.    It was later in the evening, SOFT was closed, but I knew Dr Hubert had an answering service and said to call with any worries. So I did.  He reassured me it was normal, very common and likely not an issue.  He said implantation bleeding can still be occurring.  He suggested I go for blood work and see if I could get an ultrasound (we were booked for one this week anyway).

So...we did just that.  Blood work showed my beta was at 20128..which is higher and good.  Now for the ultrasound......things were good.  We weren't sure what to expect...one, two..........................what do people think????????????????????


sooo???







Okay...just one.  Two would have been cool too...then we would be done.  But one...less complications to worry about. Either way...yay!  Too early for a heart beat yet....but something is there...so another milestone passed.....


Well, I am just heating my butt up after my injection...then heading to bed.  Before I do that...here is a funny link.  More amusing to those with fertility issues....but others may get a chuckle too...http://www.fertilitynation.com/13-infertility-jokes-to-make-you-not-want-to-punch-someone-in-the-face/#.U9mjThBdWa8

Diet and rocks and acupuncture...

I have been slowly working on this post for awhile..in between updates and travelling, etc.  Just sort of an FYI/food for thought info...

There is always more to health and medicine than our traditional western, "medical" approach.  I haven't tried everything but over the years have tried a variety.  I am not going to say one does or doesn't work. I think there is merit in everything. Especially for those who aren't conceiving and are told there is "no reason"...give it a shot. For those with a reason...of course...why not!!   After awhile and trying many things...it can get overwhelming.

So...what have I tried.....

1.  Diet.  When my ex and I were trying I went to see a Naturopath. One of the things she recommended to me was a diet modification.  I was to have no wheat, no citrus and no peanuts.   I can't remember the exact theories now.  It had to do with how each of these items affected the bodies inflammatory process/heightened it...which in turn could affect the ability of my body to become pregnant.  It was explained that if my immune system was heightened it might try and "attack" a potential embryo...or change. It made sense and I thought...what the heck...wasn't going to hurt me.    Let me tell you it was a hard thing to do, especially since it being around Christmas.    With this go around I tried it for a month or so...but then decided the hell with it. I was giving up enough......I was undecided if it was making a difference...so I have just been trying to moderate what I eat...and eat healthy overall.    Many ask if I avoid alcohol...at first yes, I did. I was worried that I could be causing harm...but in reality this isn't true.  For along time between IUI and beta test I wouldn't drink...worried it could affect the results.  Then a  SOFT nurses actually told me I could have a drink during that time period.  No blood mixes during that stage.    Now...again..moderation is of course the key.  So,  I stopped feeling guilty about living and enjoying my food and my occasional beverage!  That being said...with this current donor cycle...and all we have invested in it...I was good right away.  Irony was as soon as the transfer was done we passed SO many wineries!  Sigh.....:)


2.  Rocks......what???  So...a great colleague and friend of mine has let me borrow (indefinitely at this point) her fertility rock.    It was given to her by her sister who got it on her honeymoon.  There is this stone in Ireland which is known as a fertility rock.  While visiting she found a small piece beside the stone..."charged" it against the big rock...and brought it home for good luck.  She passed it onto me once she got pregnant.  I will admit I rubbed that rock quite a bit at first....but then just let it sit by my bedside.      Do I believe the rock has power?? Who knows really....but the concept of believing in something bigger than us and not giving up hope...why not.  It kept my spirits up and gave me something else to project my doubts and sadness to for a period of time.    Thank you my dear friends for your support both physical, emotional and spiritual.

In addition to the above rock another colleague of mine gave me some gems/stones.  I was supposed to keep them with me, close to my heart or under my pillow.  Each stone has a meaning, name and purpose.  Here is a web site I just found when googling about it...kind of interesting.   http://www.thatcrystalsite.com/articles/crystals-for-pregnancy.php
Again thank you to for thinking of me and giving me positive vibes along this journey.  They may not have helped immediately but the cumulative effect of love and support is peaking now...I just know it!

3. Osteopath
I didn't know a lot about osteopathy but I had quite a few people suggest trying it, that there was a lot of success with fertility.
http://www.osteopathy-canada.com/osteopath-definition/?
http://www.osteopathy-canada.com/manual-osteopathy-philosophy/?

Over a period of 2 years or so I went to two different practitioners(one then switched).  I liked them both despite different approaches.  I had switched because the first osteopathy had a long wait between appointments.  I felt like I was regressing each time with such a gap.  With no surprise to me they both commented about my posture.  I have quite a curve to my back which has prompted many comments over the years.  Lets just say a few Physios would love to have me as their "project"....or maybe not...I might be too much work.    They both felt that my posture along with many other things could be contributing to the fertility issues.  The second practitioner did more "mobilizations" so to speak and I did feel better and looser.  I kept seeing her up until the last full IVF attempt(which switched to an IUI).  Why didn't I go back after?? Not really sure.  Partly was the fact I had burned through all of my health benefits and wasn't sure...was it making a difference?  Also...I think at that point...I needed a break.  It was around the time where I think I was really burning out, feeling the stress of trying everything and seeing no results.    Will I go back? Likely.  I know of a couple people who swore by the osteopath for helping with an easier delivery...think stretching ahead of time.  So..again...why not.

4.  Acupuncture
As I said earlier I had gone to a Naturopath previously.  One of the other things she had done with me was acupuncture to try and relax me, stimulate my ovaries, etc.  No success at that point but that was for the better.  This time through I tried many things but never really did start considering acupuncture till later.  I think I got to a point that I was tired of trying different things and we were on a different path the, the egg donor path.  I did however find out they can help with implantation etc.  So, I ended up contacting Lisa Kervin, an acupuncturist in town. http://www.lisakervin.com/  I was able to get in for an assessment before we left for California and have been two times since.  The idea is the points help relax me, increase the blood flow to my lining, etc, etc...so help make the embryo(s) stick.  As an aside, she does help with egg quality for anyone who is interested.   Again..is it helping?  Won't really know...but I believe in acupuncture and think it doesn't hurt.  This woman is amazing and fast! Within the matter of 2 minutes I think I had about 20 needles in.   She usually suggests seeing her for up to 5 weeks ish and then further along if needed to help with nausea.  Sweet!  If I do get it...this is much better than going on medication.


I am sure there are other things we have done...but those are a few that come to me the most....

Achy butt...:)

No big updates...other than my butt, specifically my gluteus medius aches...and I think may be a bit bruised!  When I walk it feels like I have just done a bunch of clam shell exercises...but I haven't.  So weird!  Damn injections are starting to catch up to me I think!:)  A couple must have come close to a blood vessel as I sprung a leak after. Dennis was off target a bit!  Don't worry...a little pressure and I was fine.  If someone were to walk in on us during this whole process...well who knows what conclusions they would come too. Ice, syringes, alcohol swabs, heating pads.....Not your typical just found out your pregnant week eh!  At least I am not feeling nauseous yet!

Despite my bit of whining...they really aren't that bad.  A little sting if I don't numb the area enough and in it goes.  Someone the sensation was kind of like getting collagen injections.  I have never experienced that...but I can see the analogy.   In the grand scheme of things...these will be nothing compared to what is at the end of this journey....right!

Otherwise doing well.  First week back to work was good.  I was a bit tired but not too bad.  Nice to get back to a routine.  Better to be busy and have something else to focus on.

Will post more after our first ultrasound next week.  Fingers still crossed....

Beta battle follow up!

Today I was up and at SOFT before work for my blood work.  Follow up test of my beta to make sure it is increasing.  I was a bit nervous.  Thursday's number was good...but who know.  Message on my phone mid morning.......1512!!!  This is really good and shows things are coming along well.  Phew!  Another  step further.  There are a few milestones to get by in my head...then I will celebrate more!

If you are interested here is a web page explaining HCG a bit more.  http://americanpregnancy.org/duringpregnancy/hcglevels.html

As for how I am doing...not too bad.  I find I am tired by late afternoon and have been napping more than usual. That being said Dennis still naps more.:)   Those that know Dennis will not find it a surprise at all.   

Spoke with the nurse at SOFT today about getting back to activity.   The internet and literature gives mixed messages. You don't want to overdue it but you don't want to gain inappropriate weight either...both are not healthy.   Sounds like I am getting the go ahead...but encouraged to avoid too much jogging, or to break it up into a walk/jog.  This is more to do with what we have gone through to get here.  The basic concept is listen to your body. If you are tired, rest.  Normally many of us push through feeling tired.  Now I have to listen better and take a break.    So that is what I will do.  I know there are those of you who feel I will do too much, knowing how much I enjoy and need to exercise. Please breathe easy and know I can do this and will listen to my body....but know I won't sit around and do nothing!:)

Today was also back to work. I was a bit nervous and unsure how I would feel. Everyone was great and my caseload is higher level-ish.  It will be busy but is manageable. I was starving by lunch but my fatigue didn't hit me till I was home... Other than that....really no other symptoms right now.....

Beta battle Egg donor cycle....take 1

I know many of you have been waiting and waiting, wondering, wanting to the know the news.  As promised we are going to keep our loyal followers up to date on our news.  So..I went in for my blood work yesterday morning.  Brad promised to call around 12 ish.  I was at work for a potluck...so saw he called, didn't answer, ran down stairs to be with Dennis and called back.  My legs were jello-y and I shook the whole way down.  Called Brad back..........


POSITIVE!!   woot woot! I had suspected I was.  I had all the implantation signs of spotting, cramps, zings, puffy boobs.    Our beta/HCg number is really good 404.  They want at least over 80 at this point.  Our IVF years ago that we got pregnant with our fist number was 298.  So...I am excited...but cautiously yet.. This is still early...I am only about 3.5-4 weeks.

Next step is to go back monday for another beta....it should be a lot higher..which is good...means the embryo is growing.   Then 5, 7 and 12 week ultrasound if all goes well. I may ask for a 8 ....nervous because that was when we lost the first.

I am heading out for a picnic with one of my loyal followers so I should go. I will write more later, send me questions if you don't understand what \I am talking about.  Also, please no posting on facebook or anything.  This is a public blog and we don't mind if people know and hear word of mouth......but.....not facebook ready....thanks.....

happy Friday all. Thanks again for all the thoughts, prayers, etc...keep them coming!!!

Home now....

We arrived home yesterday afternoon after a long night of plane rides, lay overs and driving back across the border.    It is always nice to come home. Our cats definitely missed us and haven't really left us alone since we have returned.  I am sure they got lots of attention while we were away...but guess it is never the same.

This week is back to reality for Dennis...he's at work...and likely very tired.  I am off one more week.  The first two weeks post transfer/IVF/IUI are a good time to relax, take it easy and let nature run its course.  Yes, with "normal" conception you wouldn't know at this time that you might be pregnant and would carry on with business as usual.  In this case...I am playing it safe and taking the extra time.  As most of you know work is very busy and can be quite physically demanding.  So...my week consists of a blood work a couple days, a few appointments and some relaxing.  There are things I should be doing..but i am trying to be good and not do them.
How do I feel?  Good...tired...but hard to know what from.  Past few days been getting these crampy feeling and little "zings" I would call them every once in awhile. Told Brad, the SOFT nurse today and he said "good"...so I assume...that is a good sign!:)  They told me I was glowing today there too...maybe because of my tan or maybe because I wasn't bawling and emotional for the first time in awhile there!:)  They are just an amazing group, so supportive and really have become like family over this journey.

Anyway..this week is our Beta......We have talked about it and will probably let those who have been following this know either way what happens.  That being said please remember this very early in the game....like the pee on the stick early in the game.  So....a positive will be awesome...but not out of the woods yet!!  So...keep those positive thoughts coming....

Here are a few peaceful pictures of our trip.....help me keep calm....and chive on...as Dennis and Kyle would say!

California love winds down....

Wow... Last few days have been busy and amazing.   After leaving Thousand Oaks we hit the highway to Morro Bay where we caught Pacific Highway one and made our way north to Monterey.   That stretch is just breathtaking.. Words cannot describe... Mother nature is just amazing.   We made lots of stops for pictures of the coast,  more mountains,  Mcway waterfalls... (which had pretty scenery but not really an impressive fall), Bixby bridge and others. The big change we noticed heading up was the temp drop.   Been wearing Capri and long  sleeves more than shorts.

We were on Monterey for two nights and saw more scenery around Pebble beach(Lone cyprus) and Carmel by the Sea as well as around the Cannery in Monterey itself.   We also visited a Raceway LaGun Seca and the Monterey aquarium  which were both neat.

Last stretch up PCH to San Francisco  was cool.. Bit we bundled up and left the top down... So of course.   Some beautiful views again but more veggie and fruit farms along the way... And less dead Hills.

Last days were in San Francisco and area.   Saw sights like Muir woods (red wood trees), Golden Gate Bridge,  Lombard St crooked Hill,  road a cable car,   pier 39, etc

In the airport now waiting for our flight home.   Going to be tired and jet lagged with time change and late flight.   Our trip was amazing and I am grateful we were able to make  vacation out of it,  see and experience some amazing things and have some quality time together.

Coming home also means back to reality.   The past few days I have been a bit emotional.   I am sad our trip is over but nervous about where things will go from here.   I have a good feeling.... We feel all of your love,  support and crossed fingers.    Going to stop now as I am getting tired.   Hope I was making sense and autocorrect didn't screw anything up...   Next post will be back on Canadian  soil.

Fingers crossed!!! Sorry for the two pics.. Can't get rid of one 

Fertility update

Sorry for the delay in writing.   We have been pretty busy,  plus our last hotel only had Internet in the lobby.  Well you could pay for in your room... But we don't need it that much... And I am cheap.

So... Day after transfer we received a call from Dr Hubert.   We were expecting three maybe up to six possible embryos to freeze.   We have seven!!   This is great as it 1)gives us options (If)   this first try doesn't work.   2)  options for more if we want.   We still would have to go to Thousand Oaks but not as long.   We can pick when and just have to go for the transfer piece.    So.... We will see!!!

Otherwise,  feeling good.   Tired but we have been busy.    I was told to "take it easy"  for at least a week.   Basically no super strenuous activity like running or lifting anything more than 5-10pounds.   Not a lot of research around exact protocol but it is what the suggest.... Gives the embryos time to burrow.    So... At least we were busy doing walks.... But not really excersing is making me ancy.   Looking forward to the okay to start.

Continuing our daily progesterone and twice weekly estrogen injections into my butt... Basically into my gluteus medius area.   I think  it is starting to have  nice blue tinge. :)   We have the process down... I prep the needle,  ice the area,  Dennis injects and I massage it in and then heat.   Sexy huh!   Some of the needles sting but going in is usually a prick feeling.   The weird part that makes me jump is the sensation of it going in... Kind of like honey... And the one is a good amount.     After this flu shots will be nothing!

Transfer!!

Yesterday was transfer day and I was nervous.... Not because of procedure itself really.. It is pretty brief. Just the whole thing.
Anyway,  after another crazy Canyon drive one last time we went to the clinic.   I was supposed to have a comfortably full bladder.   I suck at that!!   My four year old bladder is a bad judge,  plus it was like two hours later the we had the transfer... So I peed a lot and drank a lot of water. Apparently your bladder refills even fifteen minutes... Interesting.

Before the transfer we met with an embryologist who explained everything.   19retrieved, 15 good,   three quarters they used ICSI,  the rest conventional.  First picture is of our embryos.   Top is ICSI.   We took one from it and one from conventional... Yes two in.   Three to freeze.... Three more potentials today if they grow enough.
Transfer itself is easy.  After a valium (the protocol to relax my lining),  speculum  in, catheter in,  and insert.   Lie for ten minutes and good bye.   Second pic is my ultrasound.. Little tiny dot.... Are the embryos... Hard to see on a. Picture of a picture.   Now I have to the it easy for a week.... As Dennis said his mode!!    Just no running,  abdominal work... Stuff like that.   

Feeling good.   Long day yesterday as we went to an Angels game... Jays lost but it was fun.   On the road heading north today...

Mixed emotions..

Tomorrow it gets real again.   This past week has been a blur and a blast.   We have experienced so much and enjoyed every minute.   As tomorrow approaches I am getting nervous..   Doubts   from past attempts flood back while hopes for future success try and push there way through.   I sound like broken record I am sure... But this is how I feel... Scary to see in my mind for a bit:)   By this time tomorrow we will be done.   I will likely be drugged (valium to relax me and my lining) and resting.   Then we wait.   I realize it will hopefully be a  long nine month wait but I will breathe easier by 12 weeks.

Relax day today... . Farmers market with so sweet and tasty strawberries,  Peaches,  nectarines with samples... Like an outdoor Costco!!   Visited a small Thousand Oaks gem.... Gardens of the world.   Small but beautiful!!   Much more we could do and see.... But needing a driving break.   Back to my reading and planning our trip up the coast.

Making comments

Hi everyone.   I have had a few friends say they are unable to comment.   Is this the case for everyone?  I don't expect comments but need to figure out if and why people can't.    I have checked my settings and don't see anything.    Anyway... Let me know via this or other means... Thanks

Quick update

I am going to make these posts shorter and maybe do more when I get back.  Typing on my phone  or Ipad and adding picture is getting annoying.

Anyway, we have nine eggs fertilized and about six that look promising according to Dr Hubert today.  I was hoping for more as a buffer but it only takes one right?  We have continued with our shots daily...two  on Fridays  and Tuesdays...awesome.  Feel like a pin cushion.

Been busy sightseeing.  Saw the Hollywood sign, stars on Hollywood blvd, checked out Venice beach and saw fireworks yesterday at Marina del Rey.   Today we took a drive north to Santa Barbara to the wharf for some lobster rolls and wine tasting.     Been doing a bit more relaxing too pool side.....this is a vacation after and I do need to be rested up for Monday!!!

Miss you all...thanks again for all your support...

Retrieval, driving, walking, climbing and long needles!!

Believe it or not... This is all in one day!!   Wednesday morning  was retrieval day for the donor.... Which meant one last time for Dennis and his cup to have a date!    Everything had to be there by 8 ish while the retrival was happening.   Found out later 19 were retrieved.   Three quarters of those are fertilized via ICSI...I think I described this in earlier posts.  Now we wait to see what fertilizes.

From ther we set out on a four hour drive to the Sequoia Narional park via Three Rivers.  It is a long drive but something I have always wanted to see.   The drive was so diverse..starting with more mountains and amazing views, then to flat and HOT with mountains in the background.  We ended up putting up the top and turning the AC on.  A stretch was dry and kind of boring but then we a ta rented to see fruit farms like oranges and lemons.

The park itself  is huge.  Fourty five minutes of twisting and turning and we were at the main area.  We saw huge sequoia trees, climbed 400ish steps up morro rock for an unbelievable view and saw General Sherman biggest sequoia known.  These tree are something to see!!!  We did a lot of walking and climbing up and down today....but it was all worth it.

On our way home...we stopped for some local fruit...oranges and plums and made the drive back.

So...needles.  Tonight was out start to daily intramuscular progesterone injections ...yes into my butt.  Fine...estrogen has been going okay.  But we found out the clinic wants like1.5 inch ins...freaking huge.  Wasn't too bad going in...just the fluid injecting is weird ...them it aches like when you work out.   Fun fun!!

Canada day

Hey We made it to Thousand Oaks in great time... 2.5 hours.   We hit some traffic but beat  the main  rush hour.  

Our appointment at Fertility and associates went well.   We waited awhile.. Quite a busy clinic with three doctors I believe.    Met with Dr Hubert for a bit,  had an ultrasound.,  mock transfer and blood work for both of us.   Dr Hubert is a lovely soft-spoken man who true to what I was told gives you travel advice while doing the moc. 

After settling in we took one of the Canon roads through the mountains toward the coast.   It was so twist.  Dennis loved driving it.   The views were amazing!! 

We hit the Pacific Coast Highway (PCH) and drove along to Santa Monica and back.   Gorgeous coastal drive with the top down!   Scenery is just breathtaking.   Thanks goodness for digital cameras.... We have Sooo many  pictures already.. 

Too early...

Well it is 7am at home but 4am here in San Diego.... Ugh.   We are partly up because dennis body hadw not switched time zones yet.... But more because we have to be in Thousand Oaks by 11am.   It is about a three hour drive But we have to go through LA  which I have been told is BRUTAL traffic.    So...We planned on a 5am departure.. Maybe earlier now.

We have had a fabulous time in San Diego... Packed a lot into two days.   Saw some beautiful views at Mt soledad,  LaJolla beaches(cool sea lions.... But smelly), Point Loma to name a few.  Yesterday was the San Diego zoo.. (wow!) and a tour of USS Midway... A commissioned air craft carrier... Ending with supper in little Italy.   Lots more to see... But will have to be next time.
So today is blood work and ultrasound for me... And meet Dr Hubert.   Tomorrow is retrieval day for the donor!!

Time to get going in our convertible ! Will try and post a few pictures later. 
Happy Canada day!!!

Waiting for our flight

Leaving as two... Hopefully coming back as two plus one or two maybes!!  

Our bags are packed, ready to go......

Okay...maybe not quite but we are getting there.   For those that know me...I HATE packing, especially for two weeks.  We have the challenge of trying to get everything into one suitcase. Why? One they charge for luggage in the US.  Two..we have a convertible...not sure how much space we have.  So...we might be doing laundry.  Or do the inside, outside, method with underwear!:) Okay...just kidding.  I think we are almost ready.  Hoping to leave tomorrow by 11 at the latest.  Our flight isn't till 5:40 or so...but in Detroit and who knows what the border will be like.

Our latest update is that the donor is doing well, has 16-20 eggs!!  So that is pretty good.  Me?  Another injection this morning for my estrogen. Dennis is a great nurse and has been pretty gentle so far.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed today.  Once worked was all wrapped up it hit me we are here...this is it...our real chance of a family.   I got really excited, scared, emotional....like I said before...not sure where to go with my feelings.   It's sort of like a dream right now...floating, surreal... (and I'm not drinking) !!

Enough procrastinating for me....Thanks to everyone who is praying for us, supporting us....it means a lot.  We will take all the positive thoughts and crossed fingers and toes we can get.

Protecting my heart

"You must be so excited!!!"  I keep hearing this comment over and over from everyone.  Don't get me wrong I love all the support, love and energy from all of you.    And ...yes, of course I am excited.  We have been waiting for a long time for this opportunity, for higher odds of having a family of our own.  We are super excited to be away and have a vacation too!

Another part of me however is scared, nervous and cautious.  I know that the odds are for us...but nothing is a guarantee.  To some this may sound negative, but to protect my heart I need to be realistic.  I need to be prepared for the good...and the bad....  To be honest I probably won't be truly excited till we get to the 12 week ultrasound.    It is quite a balancing act at times and not everyone understands or gets it.

So...fingers, toes and everything in between crossed!!!   Less than a week till we leave!!

Planning, planning, planning!!!

We have decided since we are going to be in California we might as well make a trip out of it.  It had been suggested this could be our "Baby-moon".  Last hurrah till we can't travel like this anymore!!:)  

So...we are taking two weeks over all while we are there.  The plan is to fly into San Diego, be there a few days, then up to Thousand Oaks(where the clinic is).  We have to be there for Dennis to do his thing and be to get test...then we have a few days off till I am back for the transfer. We will travel around there those days.  After that up the Pacific Highway we go, stopping at different spots till we hit San Francisco...then we fly home!  So excited to see this stretch of the highway....supposed to be gorgeous!!  We have ideas of what we want to do...but going to take it day by day.  The best part is we decided to drive in style...so we are renting a convertible!! Just hoping our luggage will fit in it!!!

So....flights are booked, a couple hotels are booked, car is booked and most important my mani-pedi is booked (merry christmas from mom and dad!!) ....we are getting there!!

Kablamo!!

This is how Dennis has been describing him giving me my needle! Yup...this round I don't have to do all the crazy subcutaneous injections that make me feel like crap.  YAY!! (That is what the donor has to do).  But I do have to get my body prepped and ready to accept an embryo.  So, starting today and continuing twice a week till week 8 or 10 I believe (FINGERS CROSSED) I get to have estrogen injections.  There are suppository ways to do this...but this was is more accurate, concise and a lot less messy.  The only thing is I can't give them to myself...these are IM, not subcutaneous.  What that means is it has to go into a muscle, not fatty tissue like in my past cycles.  SOOO...Dennis is my nurse...and it is a longer needle now.

SOFT talked us through it yesterday and told Dennis no Ka-blamo!:)  He did a fabulous job tonight! One down!!!

The ball is rolling...

Last Wednesday I got an email late in the afternoon from the California clinic with "our schedule".    I had in my head that we would get a good months notice. This would give us time to notify work, plan our vacation week before and get organize. I had figured by now we were looking at the middle of July.  Nope...retrieval day for the donor is July 1 or 2nd (so we have to be there) and transfer day the following sunday or monday!

WHAT??!  So I had a freak out...huge.  Don't get me wrong I am excited and we have been waiting for this forever...but it took me by surprise how quick.   I was worried  about work, worried about booking everything...no way...no how.  I  already had to be in the clinic the next morning for blood work and ultrasound.   I thought...this has to change.  Well, it did not.  The nurse at SOFT told me it was normal it could be this fast and it's not unrealistic. Basically the donors have control....so...game on for us!

That day we met with our coordinator (who is now the same because of my job change).  We had given her a heads up so she knew this was coming.  I must say she was amazing, so understanding and compassionate. I feel awful leaving work, especially since I am overlapping a week with my inpatient colleague and someone else being off for surgery.  I know I have no control but I still feel guilty.  She was amazing though...her motto "Family first!" WOW! So different than the philosophy on my old program.  She reassured me to not worry, she had a plan...and the told Dennis multiple times to "BE SUPPORTIVE".  So awesome.

I decided I would let some of my new colleagues know..hoping they would understand better why I was leaving them high and dry.  I sent an email and everyone has been super understanding...