Deciphering fact and fiction

Some of you may have read in the news recently about complaints about Dr Franks & Dr Martin.  I was aware of Dr Franks suspension before she joined SOFT, reviewed the concerns on the College of Physicians and surgeons and felt confident in proceeding.  She didn't have any involvement with anything invasive so I was comfortable with that.  Most of my interactions on a whole are with the nurses...and Dr Martin mainly for the physician.

The following is the article published earlier this week about Dr Martin.

http://www.am980.ca/2014/05/21/18983/

When i first read it I was quite upset.  Would this effect our California process?  We have just finished our legal piece and we are now waiting for the clinic in California to let us know the next steps.  I was worried that all our work, all of preparing would be for nothing.  I had started to get excited....but now...would things continue??  I contacted one of the SOFT nurses and was reassured it was business as usual.

SOFT has made a formal reply.  See their facebook page for more information and comments from many of their patients.   https://www.facebook.com/SouthernOntarioFertilityTechnologies.


Here is a link to  their statement:
http://soft-infertility.com/DrMartinMay%2020_2014.pdf

After reading this and speaking with the nurses at SOFT I feel much better.  I  do not know for sure the truth, but I know that I trust SOFT and they have not steered me wrong.  They have always been clear about risks and benefits of all suggested procedures.  I have always been a part of decisions and felt that my best interests and safety were always considered.  It is unfortunate that Dr Martin will not be practicing as he has helped so many families become families....the commetsvon facebook and the foot prints and hand prints on the boards at SOFT are testaments to this.

Happy Mother's Day to all!!

Just wanted to send a wish out to all the mother's reading my blog...and to those hopeful mothers if you are out there.   I was doing some reflection on being a mom.    I may not be a mom yet but I feel like I am in a way.    I listen to many friends, family and colleagues talking about how you would do anything for your children, give up anything, how your life has changed so much since have kids, how they make you happy and sad and yes cry too.  In a way I feel I have already done this for my child to be..  I have given up many things and tried many things, put my body and mind through many things on our quest for a baby.    So I caution those who say to parents without children , "you will understand when you have kids" when you talk about frustration and sleepless nights, when you talk about giving up things during your pregnancy, etc.  We do understand...just in a different way.

 For many "mom's in the making"  mother's day is a reminder of what we don't have...and sometimes it can be frustrating.  But....it can be inspirational too. If you start to listen to stories...you hear and read about all the hope and success stories out there.  There are many different routes and versions....but there is a light at the end...

Moving forward......

We have been waiting for information about our Egg donor cycle, not knowing when for sure we would be proceeding, stalling with booking vacation and coverage at work.  Basically our summer has and still is unplanned.  BUT....we are moving forward.

Just recently we got an email that the California clinic is ready to proceed.. YIKES!!   This is exciting...but now it starts to get real.  My initial reaction was in my gutt...the realization that we are heading in the right direction.....that  We are going to have a baby!!  Then I got nervous...what if it doesn't work, what if we put all this effort, emotion, time and money.... and it doesn't work...will I cope emotionally????   Then I started to feel guilty about leaving a new job so soon for at least a month.  I know what all of you will say...it is our time, work is work, they will be fine. I know that.....but my new colleagues don't know our situation and many are already off.  So...they will be VERY busy.  This doesn't mean we won't do it.  It means I will probably tell our story to more people. ....not because I feel I have to...but so they understand.  So...yes crazy brain again...swirling in many directions and not always rational.

At this point we have a 32 page document to read through and sign, consents, etc.  We have decide things like what we do with extra embryo's if one of us dies, if both of us die, do we consent to all the medical procedures, etc, etc.   We have also been given a general idea of the financial information and what we will owe...ouch!!   The Cali clinic has assigned us an attorney in California. We have more papers (retainer) to read and get faxed off.  It is all kind of scary and overwhelming. (Makes me realize what our patients must sometime feel like.)  I really dislike lawyer talk and some of the comments make me worry about the "iron cladness" that the clinic told us things are.  I guess unfortunately there are loop holes in everything. All we can do is make sure it is the best it can be.  I believe it will be a legal contract between us and the anonymous donor about rights, etc.  Important stuff

So...lots of reading for us, lots to sign and get faxed off!  I believe once all the LEGAL stuff is done...we will have more firm dates!!  YAY!!

Update...

Been awhile since I have wrote so thought I would keep people updated and clarify a few things.
Nothing really exciting happening lately.  The clinic in California needed some blood work, swabs and a saline infused ultrasound to check out my uterus.  I had not had this done before so I wasn't sure what to expect.  If you are interested in details...check out this web page...it's pretty accurate.

http://www.dreamababy.com/downloads/Saline%20Infusion%20Sonography%20(SIS)%20Patient%20Information.pdf

To prep for this...I had to first get a period.  Easy..right?  Well, at the time I was at least 7-8 weeks with no period.  I initially thought a miracle had happened and I was pregnant.  Nope!  Blood work was normal...just my body being my body!  Could be different reasons for this...my body is confused with all it has been through over the past year or so...or could be the beginning of my pre-menopause stuff.  Really...other than not being able to try naturally....was kind of nice!!  Anyway, it really was an easy fix...on birth control for 10 days...then I got my period.    I wasn't sure what to expect for the procedure itself. I had visions of my uterus be pumped full of saline, feeling bloated and seeing something on the ultrasound screen like my bladder when it was full.  It was actually pretty quick and painless. They used a catheter to insert the saline while a internal ultrasound was done.  The worst was having the pap done and speculum inserted....the joys of being a woman eh!:)

So..now I am back on birth control.  This sort of puts my body in limbo/a standstill so to speak.  We are just waiting to hear back from California regarding our schedule for the summer.  

I have had a few questions about this whole egg donor thing.   Basically our donor will go through the first half of the IVF process up to retrieval of the eggs.  Dennis' sperm will be used to fertilize.  Then embryo's will be transferred into me.  So...I get to carry!  So, they aren't mine genetically but I get that bonding time for 9 months!  Fingers crossed!!!  If you have any questions let me know..  I will likely get into the whole process more as we go through it...

Exciting funding news!!

For anyone knowing someone who might be starting IVF treatments in the future...check these links out.  It is about time the government steps up!!

http://news.ontario.ca/mohltc/en/2014/04/improving-access-to-safe-fertility-treatments.html


http://news.nationalpost.com/2014/04/09/ontario-to-fund-in-vitro-fertilization-with-a-caveat-one-embryo-at-a-time-to-cut-risky-multiple-births/

Time for a break...

After finding out we wouldn't be starting the California protocol this next cycle we decided we would try another round...why not. They say after even a month off your body can have more success.  We ended up starting a short cycle IVF protocol with all the hormone injections it came with.  In the end we switched to an IUI again.  I had 3-4 good size follicles and Dennis' numbers were good! If it was going to work....this time should have been it. I really thought it was going to!!  Unfortunately, it did not.

After that cycle I decided I needed a break...for awhile....both physically and mentally.  If we are going to do the California egg donor...I needed to be 100% into it and ready.  Making the decision to take a break for me was still hard...despite my need for rest.  Part of me felt like I was giving up, wasting time.  We could still be trying, still have a chance...each month that goes by is a waste! I realize this isn't true but our minds do go in circles sometime.  Many people who knew we were doing this would say "You can still practice"  "You never know".  It is true...you never know...but for us to conceive naturally with no drugs and help would be one friggin' miracle!!

So, I have to say...it has been nice having my life back so to speak.  Nice not to be taking medication and ensuring I have my medication or needles with me before leaving the house.  I am still hormonal....what woman isn't?  But I think my highs & lows are better....I think:)  (Don't ask Dennis...might be a different story).  We have basically decided our next steps will be prepping for the California protocol.  We have looked at more profiles but are sticking with our original choice.




In my last post I alluded to things happen for a reason.  As most of you reading this blog know I accepted a job with the Spinal Cord injury program.  I start in a couple weeks!!  When this post came up I was at a point where I needed a change, a new aura to be around and a new challenge.  I at first wasn't sure but as I got thinking about it, I thought why not.   I say things happen or a reason because I am unsure I would have applied if I had already been pregnant...who knows....  Either way, it is a great move for me and I am very excited.  Sad to leave my current colleagues...yes a bit nervous...but it feels right...time to move on.

New year...new challenges...new excitement!!

They say things happen for a reason, and I do believe that.  In the moment...I hate that saying...but reflecting back I can see many things that wouldn't have happened if we had gotten pregnant all those times.  We have had a lot of fun and adventures which many of you have followed on facebook.:)  I am not saying kids will stop us from that...but it will be different.  So...if I give one piece of advice to anyone reading this who is going through similar struggles...keep on living...keep on doing things you love, keep doing things you and your partner love.

So..2014 started off with us deciding it was time to move.  We contacted the clinic in California and were waiting for them to send us profiles.  My understanding was we would pick someone, see if they were available, do legal stuff, send off drugs, she would start her cycle and by Feb-March we would be down there....

So...to get profiles of women..we had to send characteristics we wanted...So weird and surreal.  We naturally said curly hair, brown, causcasian, good shape, healthy....what else do you say when you are ordering your child's mom?:)  We also sent them a picture of me to help them out.  So basically they have a pool of donors that are part of their clinic.  What is nice about this clinic is they don't take a cut of the donor compensation fee..(so is a bit cheaper I guess).  They sent us multiple emails with multiple donors.  We would get pictures and a profile. How much we got of each varied.  Generally we knew her age, height, weight, eye colour, hair colour, etc, schooling, family information, health.  Some of the forms even had a place they could write about themselves or why they wanted to be donors.  It was a interesting, surreal and unusual as we sat down and looked through everything....overwhelming at first might be the best.  There are a lot of variables to consider.  Many were young...18, 19, the oldest 29 that we came across.  Some were going through school, others single mom's, others just wanting to "help out".   Some we vetoed right away based on medical issues, weird selfies,  odd comments on the form, etc.   We both had to agree on the person.  We had to like how she looked,  Dennis had to think she was attractive(naturally), healthy, good family history, active, seemed to genuinely want to help (based on the  writing).   And I was really banking on curly hair.  BUT ...apparently in that area of Cali...not a lot of curls happening.   I was sort of disappointed in that...everyone knows me by my curls...but really in the end...won't the Asian genes take over??:)    Anyway...we both had to have a good vibe from her, feel like she would be someone we would hang out with.  Believe it or not there are websites to help guide you through this process



  We narrowed it down and came up with our number one pick.   We then found out we were on a waiting list...June/July would be the earliest!!  WHAT?? Wait longer??  I was NOT a happy camper. I had allowed myself to move on, to think optimistically, to be ready for the next move, planned (see...the problem..planned) things would be going in a month.  I had anticipated being pregnant in the summer.  I guess I was really just tired of life being put on hold for an unknown amount of time with an unknown end result. I wanted things to move along now that we had a plan starting.  Little did I know there were other things I needed to do first for me.