Happy New year

Happy new year to everyone!  I know the holidays are supposed to be best time of the year and for a lot they are.  Time with family, friends, eating too much and laughing a lot.  We were fortunate to have a wonderful time with all sort of family and friends.  Callen was just fascinating to watch.  The innocence of a child seeing a Christmas tree with wide eyes, tearing open a gift with no concept of greed or want and watching as he plays with cousins he doesn't see often is wonderful.

However, I do know this can sometimes be a challenging time of year. I remember many blue Christmas's, trying to smile and keep my emotions inside while watching happy families, those with new born babies....happy for them....yet mad at life, God, whomever that it wasn't me yet.  I clearly remember tearing up during many of the church Christmas songs....there is a lot of talk about babies and miracles, etc etc.  Don't get me wrong I had fun, I reveled in the moment and the season...but a small part of me was aching..  So...for those there now....it's okay. I have said this before....it's almost my mantra....but it has served me well.  Allow yourself to feel. *insert sad, mad,* ...don't talk yourself into feeling that way.

I want to share something that happened the other day....
I ran into an old acquaintance the other day.  She asked if I was pregnant...and then joking after  "or too much Christmas food".  Later I received a message apologizing for the comment....about the food...which had not bothered me at all.  She ended up sharing that her and her husband were having fertility issues....that she had known I was pregnant from reading this blog but didn't know how to say it.  She said my blog has helped her feel less alone.  If you are reading this...thank you for sharing.  Knowing I have helped even one person along this crazy journey makes me know I did the right thing by starting this.  Yes it was for me more in the beginning....but I am so glad it has and still is helping others...

Anyway,  I am doing well pregnancy wise.  17 weeks, getting a belly, almost no innie belly button but feeling better and more energetic overall. I can brush my teeth easier, climb the stairs with less puffing and actually got back to the gym! yay!    I can feel more movement but nothing external yet. Can't wait for Callen to feel it.  He already says hi baby...and kisses my belly! So cute!

On that note...off to bed for me...night all...

In the clear!!

We went for our 12 week ultrasound yesterday and all went really well. I was nervous going in, despite gagging that morning:) I think I will always remember that first 12 week ultrasound...thinking everything was great....and then it wasn't.  It's crazy the mind games we play with ourselves...even when unintentional.

Anyway, I drank my water...and had a 'comfortably full bladder' ...whatever that means!:)  First thing  Shelly (ultrasound tech) found was the heart beat! Phew!  Then I just watched as she measured everything....so cool to see the brain , arms, legs, little feet.  I had to move around a bit toward the end to get it to flip so we could get a profile shot. I think it looks different than Callen.....who knows.  We aren't finding out...and apparently now is too early to accurately find out anyway.

So...we are quite excited and ready to relax a little bit.  Nothing is ever a guarantee but we are past the first bit.  Dennis was pretty excited and got right on making our announcement picture.  He's been planning this for awhile....  Are we bad parents for making our first born cry for our amusement? :) It was only for a few minutes...honest!!

It's all worth it

I recently was talking with some friends who are having their own fertility journey....slightly different than ours but similar.  They are having some frustration with the process, the information from health care providers and just the emotional and physical parts of the process.  If you have followed my blog since the beginning you will know that we have had a lot of ups and downs, times when I wanted to give up and throw in the towel, times when I thought we would never have a family of our own, never be happy....  Those times are normal and expected.  Physically I put my body through crazy highs and lows hormonally and emotionally....it will probably never be the same again.  :)

BUT....would I do it over again?  If it was my only way to experience the love and joy Callen brings to our lives...Yes...in a heart beat. It was and is worth it.  Do I wish it had been easier and just work out like it does for many..hell ya....but I have learned a lot along the way...and now have the pleasure of hopefully helping even a few others by sharing my story.

So...to those trying for the first time, second time....or whatever..CHIN UP!  Your journey will present itself eventually.  It may not be as you had envisioned it but it will be as it's supposed to be. 

Lots of positive fertile vibes to all of you looking for it.

Poutine is a vegetable....right?

Well....lets hope that my body knows how to pull out nutrients out of junk food as that's what I have been feeding it! :)  I have been eating okay but not like I normally do.  It's amazing and intriguing how our bodies which normally love salads, healthy foods is suddenly turned off my the thought of it  But a cinnamon bun, a bagel or even better yet poutine....hell ya!  I have literally had poutine twice this past week.    Don't worry I am trying to be good and eat some vegetables, fruits, etc.....but it's really hard.  This morning...the smell of mushrooms in Callen's omelette made my stomach turn.     My theory right now is....at least I am eating....and keeping it down....




Problem is...it's not helping my figure:)  I think I am already popping through with a belly.  I am totally fine with the image thing....just wasn't ready for my jeans not to fit already!   OH well...all part of the experience..... 

12 week ultrasound this week....so fingers crossed all is well

Just building a heart....and a brain....

Hi all!  I apologize again for the lack of keeping people up to date.  I have literally been in bed by 8-830 most nights....out like a light.  Between pregnancy fatigue and fighting a cold....I am done by the end of the day:) The one night I woke up and Dennis wasn't in bed...I stumbled down stairs and said "What are you still doing up???"  He looked at me like I was crazy(which is a common look):) and said..."It's a quarter to nine"....huh...thought I had slept 5 hours already!:)

Anyways, all is well...over 9 weeks now.  I assume everything continues to be just fine as I continue to feel yucky morning and night.  That's okay....at least I know things are happening.

We had an ultrasound a couple weeks ago.  Everything looked great. Our little one has doubled in size, has brain ventricles developing, little appendage buds and a heart beat! Very cool.  No wonder I am tired....I am manufacturing a lot of things!:)  I attached a picture below. 

We are pretty excited things are going well.  Next ultrasound is an external one, takes 45 minutes and lots of measurements are taken. It's around 12 weeks.  After that one I feel a little more safe and excited! 


Again..thanks to all for your love and support! Happy weekend...and snow...apparently...

No mini van needed!:)

Sorry for the delay in updates...been busy evenings...sleeping as soon as I can...fighting a cold...blah! NOT complaining....but a cold tired on top of feeling tired....well anyway..I will survive:)

So..last week we went for our first ultrasound. I believe at that point we were 5 weeks 5 days ish.  With it being so early this is an internal ultrasound. It's too early to see a heart beat.  The purpose is to see how the embryo is implanting and looking....AND to see how many.

There was only one....which was what I was sort of hoping for.  Two would have been fun and loved...but a bit busy with Callen too!:)  Anyway, one was there. So...Dennis' comment was...phew...no minivan!:)     All the measurements were on track which was good.   Basically it looks  like a blob with a little bubble in it...called the yoke sac.  We didn't get a picture this time but should with the next.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yolk_sac

The ultrasound tech was telling us some neat genetic/embryology information she had learned at a course.  She has said as we know that there are cells designated for certain things ie arm,leg, etc.  There are also cells that are sort of jack of all trades that can be used wherever is needed to develop whatever is needed.  Kind of cool really!

Anyway, over all feeling okayish.  Having nausea if I am hungry and  then if I eat too much...I think. Not sure the trend or if there is one.   Part of the process and just embracing it as I can....maybe complaining a bit to certain people....just a bit...but not a lot.  I know there are many who want to feel like this....so please don't get me wrong when I whine a bit! I am very fortunate and thankful!  

okay...just icing, then shot...then bed time for this crazy party girl! Night all...thanks again for the support...

Shot shot shot shot.....

Part of the regimen is injections of Progesterone and estrogen.   The estrogen is twice a week and started a week or so before transfer to get my hormones aligned appropriately.   It 0.2ml.

Progesterone I started a few days before the transfer. It is 2 ml and daily....so my butt is bit of a pin cushion.  Progesterone is sometimes called the  pregnancy hormone as it's levels are important before and during pregnancy.  In a nut shell the two hormones help the uterus prepare for and maintain the fertilized egg. 
http://www.resolve.org/about-infertility/understanding-my-body/progesterone-and-pregnancy-a-vital-connection.html
With previous IUI's and my first own egg IVF I used suppositories.  They work just as well but really are quite messy and "oozy".  I had a choice this go around to do them.  I chose to stick with the IM injections.  It worked last time and is a lot cleaner.  Yes, my buttocks feels  like a pin cushion and probably is a nice blue haze but it's all worth it. 

Below is my set up, calendar to keep track on which "cheek" is up that day, syringes, draw up needle, injecting needles and drugs.  The second picture are my Tuesday/ Friday shots!  Fun fun!

For anyone contemplating IVF of some sort don't let this scare you please.   I too was nervous and didn't think I could do it.  But, we are all stronger than we think...I have learned that.  You can do it! There are challenging times, even when it's going well....but that's normal. It's okay to be scared, to be emotional, to think...seriously...why I am I dealing with this.  BUT...bottom line...it's worth it.  Each story is different but we all are warriors....and can conquer anything...  Night !