In the clear!!

We went for our 12 week ultrasound yesterday and all went really well. I was nervous going in, despite gagging that morning:) I think I will always remember that first 12 week ultrasound...thinking everything was great....and then it wasn't.  It's crazy the mind games we play with ourselves...even when unintentional.

Anyway, I drank my water...and had a 'comfortably full bladder' ...whatever that means!:)  First thing  Shelly (ultrasound tech) found was the heart beat! Phew!  Then I just watched as she measured everything....so cool to see the brain , arms, legs, little feet.  I had to move around a bit toward the end to get it to flip so we could get a profile shot. I think it looks different than Callen.....who knows.  We aren't finding out...and apparently now is too early to accurately find out anyway.

So...we are quite excited and ready to relax a little bit.  Nothing is ever a guarantee but we are past the first bit.  Dennis was pretty excited and got right on making our announcement picture.  He's been planning this for awhile....  Are we bad parents for making our first born cry for our amusement? :) It was only for a few minutes...honest!!

It's all worth it

I recently was talking with some friends who are having their own fertility journey....slightly different than ours but similar.  They are having some frustration with the process, the information from health care providers and just the emotional and physical parts of the process.  If you have followed my blog since the beginning you will know that we have had a lot of ups and downs, times when I wanted to give up and throw in the towel, times when I thought we would never have a family of our own, never be happy....  Those times are normal and expected.  Physically I put my body through crazy highs and lows hormonally and emotionally....it will probably never be the same again.  :)

BUT....would I do it over again?  If it was my only way to experience the love and joy Callen brings to our lives...Yes...in a heart beat. It was and is worth it.  Do I wish it had been easier and just work out like it does for many..hell ya....but I have learned a lot along the way...and now have the pleasure of hopefully helping even a few others by sharing my story.

So...to those trying for the first time, second time....or whatever..CHIN UP!  Your journey will present itself eventually.  It may not be as you had envisioned it but it will be as it's supposed to be. 

Lots of positive fertile vibes to all of you looking for it.

Poutine is a vegetable....right?

Well....lets hope that my body knows how to pull out nutrients out of junk food as that's what I have been feeding it! :)  I have been eating okay but not like I normally do.  It's amazing and intriguing how our bodies which normally love salads, healthy foods is suddenly turned off my the thought of it  But a cinnamon bun, a bagel or even better yet poutine....hell ya!  I have literally had poutine twice this past week.    Don't worry I am trying to be good and eat some vegetables, fruits, etc.....but it's really hard.  This morning...the smell of mushrooms in Callen's omelette made my stomach turn.     My theory right now is....at least I am eating....and keeping it down....




Problem is...it's not helping my figure:)  I think I am already popping through with a belly.  I am totally fine with the image thing....just wasn't ready for my jeans not to fit already!   OH well...all part of the experience..... 

12 week ultrasound this week....so fingers crossed all is well

Just building a heart....and a brain....

Hi all!  I apologize again for the lack of keeping people up to date.  I have literally been in bed by 8-830 most nights....out like a light.  Between pregnancy fatigue and fighting a cold....I am done by the end of the day:) The one night I woke up and Dennis wasn't in bed...I stumbled down stairs and said "What are you still doing up???"  He looked at me like I was crazy(which is a common look):) and said..."It's a quarter to nine"....huh...thought I had slept 5 hours already!:)

Anyways, all is well...over 9 weeks now.  I assume everything continues to be just fine as I continue to feel yucky morning and night.  That's okay....at least I know things are happening.

We had an ultrasound a couple weeks ago.  Everything looked great. Our little one has doubled in size, has brain ventricles developing, little appendage buds and a heart beat! Very cool.  No wonder I am tired....I am manufacturing a lot of things!:)  I attached a picture below. 

We are pretty excited things are going well.  Next ultrasound is an external one, takes 45 minutes and lots of measurements are taken. It's around 12 weeks.  After that one I feel a little more safe and excited! 


Again..thanks to all for your love and support! Happy weekend...and snow...apparently...

No mini van needed!:)

Sorry for the delay in updates...been busy evenings...sleeping as soon as I can...fighting a cold...blah! NOT complaining....but a cold tired on top of feeling tired....well anyway..I will survive:)

So..last week we went for our first ultrasound. I believe at that point we were 5 weeks 5 days ish.  With it being so early this is an internal ultrasound. It's too early to see a heart beat.  The purpose is to see how the embryo is implanting and looking....AND to see how many.

There was only one....which was what I was sort of hoping for.  Two would have been fun and loved...but a bit busy with Callen too!:)  Anyway, one was there. So...Dennis' comment was...phew...no minivan!:)     All the measurements were on track which was good.   Basically it looks  like a blob with a little bubble in it...called the yoke sac.  We didn't get a picture this time but should with the next.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yolk_sac

The ultrasound tech was telling us some neat genetic/embryology information she had learned at a course.  She has said as we know that there are cells designated for certain things ie arm,leg, etc.  There are also cells that are sort of jack of all trades that can be used wherever is needed to develop whatever is needed.  Kind of cool really!

Anyway, over all feeling okayish.  Having nausea if I am hungry and  then if I eat too much...I think. Not sure the trend or if there is one.   Part of the process and just embracing it as I can....maybe complaining a bit to certain people....just a bit...but not a lot.  I know there are many who want to feel like this....so please don't get me wrong when I whine a bit! I am very fortunate and thankful!  

okay...just icing, then shot...then bed time for this crazy party girl! Night all...thanks again for the support...

Shot shot shot shot.....

Part of the regimen is injections of Progesterone and estrogen.   The estrogen is twice a week and started a week or so before transfer to get my hormones aligned appropriately.   It 0.2ml.

Progesterone I started a few days before the transfer. It is 2 ml and daily....so my butt is bit of a pin cushion.  Progesterone is sometimes called the  pregnancy hormone as it's levels are important before and during pregnancy.  In a nut shell the two hormones help the uterus prepare for and maintain the fertilized egg. 
http://www.resolve.org/about-infertility/understanding-my-body/progesterone-and-pregnancy-a-vital-connection.html
With previous IUI's and my first own egg IVF I used suppositories.  They work just as well but really are quite messy and "oozy".  I had a choice this go around to do them.  I chose to stick with the IM injections.  It worked last time and is a lot cleaner.  Yes, my buttocks feels  like a pin cushion and probably is a nice blue haze but it's all worth it. 

Below is my set up, calendar to keep track on which "cheek" is up that day, syringes, draw up needle, injecting needles and drugs.  The second picture are my Tuesday/ Friday shots!  Fun fun!

For anyone contemplating IVF of some sort don't let this scare you please.   I too was nervous and didn't think I could do it.  But, we are all stronger than we think...I have learned that.  You can do it! There are challenging times, even when it's going well....but that's normal. It's okay to be scared, to be emotional, to think...seriously...why I am I dealing with this.  BUT...bottom line...it's worth it.  Each story is different but we all are warriors....and can conquer anything...  Night !

Beta battle F.E.T.

I know many of you have been waiting to get an update. I waited a bit till we made sure certain people were told.      I went for blood work on Thursday morning. They do what is called a "beta" test or a test of my HcG levels....fancy term for blood test.  I still wasn't sure that morning either way if I was pregnant or not.  I was feeling tired, but again maybe because of travelling. The only odd symptoms I have been feeling have been hot and cold flashes, chills at night and a bit of cramping.  Apparently those are symptoms for some.

SO.... our result on Thursday was 258. Much lower than we had for Callen but anything over 80 is good.   I have to stop comparing but it's hard not to. So...yay!!    I am excited but of course cautiously.....it's still very early.  Saturday was our follow up beta and our number was 479!! So, it's going up...which is great!  Dennis asked if lower numbers means one.....who knows...possibly.

Next step is an early ultrasound a week tomorrow.  We will find out then if one or two.  Eeek! 

Back to work tomorrow...see how this goes. I have been enjoying my afternoon naps since being home....wonder if I can fit that into my schedule??Ha!! 

Thanks for everyone's support. Please remember though this is very early. I am keeping my followers on here up to date but many do not know yet, including some family. So please don't post anything on facebook or spread the word so much until we are in the safer zone. I know many will be asking...I am often just telling people so far so good!! That I think lets people know....

Oh...many might wonder what FET stands for...Frozen Embryo Transfer....so we will see...which works better....Fresh or frozen!!:)


Anyway, off for my daily progesterone shot....fun fun!  Night all!!

Nervously waiting....

Heading home today....back to reality.  Super excited to see Callen...missed him so much. We skyped a lot but some days were harder than others.  Usually those were the long days, when I was already tired....maybe some of it had to with hormones? I am not sure.

Starting to get nervous about the result of this time around.  With Callen we had success...but nothing is guaranteed.  I have re read some of my old posts....which may have not been a great idea.  I am not feeling like I did then....so now I am worried.  I know each time is different....so trying to stay positive!  Fingers crossed! 

Exploring......

We were back and forth about staying after the transfer.   Technically, we could have come home last Wednesday.  We talked about it and figured, we are here might as well enjoy it a bit.  It's been weird being  away from Callen for this long but it's been nice being a couple again, not just mom and dad.:)  Also, being here is more relaxing then at home....even if I wasn't at work.  We have enjoyed lazy mornings despite some very busy days.

We visited some of our favourites and a few new places.  The highlights after our transfer were:  Yosemite National park tour, fly fishing on the river that flows from the valley of Yosemite, visiting Monterey again, the gorgeous scenery of highway 1, visiting Stearns wharf in Santa Barbara and lastly today spending time in Santa Monica.  

 

Sticky Uterus!!

Sorry for the delay in writing....not great wifi connection and the post I had almost done I accidently deleted. Argggh!!

Anyway, we are alive and well...I am just way behind on posts, journaling, etc  We have had some busy, longer days and I am tired by the end!

This post is about transfer day....and the title Sticky uterus is compliments of one of my closest friends Monica.  First round through and now this one we had a bunch of mantras....this being one of them..  Hopefully my uterus is sticky and the embryos do their  thing and burrow in. YES...we put two in!!  We will see what happens.  We put two with Callen...but got just him...so only God knows.

Transfer day was much shorter and smoother than last time from my point of view.  We were in and out quicker.  We arrived, paid...OUCH...and within in a few minutes we were brought back to our room. We met with a nurse to go over post transfer instructions, paper work, etc.  Next is the embryologist...this is kind of cool. He told us how they chose the two, what we have left and answered our questions. Our little frozen embryos were thawed that morning. We have five left....all but one are similar quality.  Like last time...we got a picture...aren't they cute?:)

Next, I took my diazepam and started sipping my water.  The medication to help me and my lining relax.  It is supposed to help in my body accepting the embryo.  The water is to fill my bladder to "comfortably full".  The transfer is ultrasound guided. Having my bladder full enough helps make the passage easier to see and to get to where we want.    The water drinking went much better than last time. I joke that this is the worst part of the transfer. I suck at finding that "comfortable" full.  Last time I drank too much, too soon and ended up peeing and refilling way too many times.  This time I was much better.  On first check...not full enough...so more sipping and waiting.  Finally, I was ready to go.  Was I nervous...yes....for many reasons.  The procedure not so much...maybe a bit, but more the whole thing starting, the unknown.  It worked last time....success rates even with a frozen embryo are pretty high...but you never know.

So...the process itself is actually fairly quick. You assume the position....ladies you know what this means...yup legs in stirrups.  On an aside...theirs are nice and padded...with oven mitts!:)    Dr Hubert comes in with his nurse and we get all set up.  He is such a lovely man who is genuine, personable....truly seems to love his job.  He has a London connection through his wife I believe..so always asking about how things are.  Anyway, speculum in (not my favourite...but he's pretty gentle) and he does a "practice" run with the catheter/tube.  The nurse has the abdomen ultrasound so you can see on the screen the tube.  Next the real thing. He gets the tube through a little "drive through" window from the embryologist...and in they go.  On the screen we could see a little flash.    After that I got dressed, peed....yay! and Off we went...Oh....I almost forgot.  Protocol...had to get wheel-chaired out to the parking lot.

Okay....so lots of crossed fingers and good vibes this way please!  Sticky uterus!

Transfer day!!

This day has really snuck up on me this time!!  I feel pretty good right now.  Just had breakfast, enjoying a team outside before heading over to the clinic.  I was more nervous and emotional last night for some reason...maybe the hormones, maybe nerves, maybe the half a bottle of wine....who knows!:) 

Our trip has been pretty good so far.  Good flight, some issues with our car rental; which CAA will be hearing about later.  All and all...the travel here was good.  It's a bit surreal being back recognizing some places, seeing some newer areas.  I find travelling in general is surreal, almost a dream...or dream state.   Maybe that' s just me and being a fairly routine person.    The weather is gorgeous...cool nights and along the coast but warm and sunny afternoons.  This trip is a bit more low key. When I think about our last time here we packed ALOT into our time...we saw a lot of things. We have some plans but taking a bit more relaxed. 

Yesterday we did a hike near thousand oaks which was really nice....up to a look out where you could see mountains, the valley etc.  It's pretty......but home is so pretty too.   This area of Cali has us beat with elevation but we have them beat with colours and lushness.....  Nature is quite amazing!   After relaxing by the pool...we were off to the clinic.  I had an appointment for an ultrasound to check my lining thickness and do blood work. All looks great.  The lining thickness is important for the transfer.  The thicker the better so to speak. It gives the embryo somewhere nice to "call home":)  The bloodwork is check my estrogen and progesterone levels...to see if I need to up my dosage.. Thanks goodness no!

We also took a drive in our convertible...yes...we rented one again...what the hell!  Dennis got to drive his "most favourite road ever" through the mountain to the pacific coast highway. Let's say it's very windy/curvy and I had to remind him he wasn't in a video game!:)  Again.....gorgeous views...some new things...some the same.  We went along the water to Venice beach and walked around there. You see a lot of interesting people in a place like Venice...  It takes all sorts to make the world go round!!

So....wish us luck...fingers and everything crossed would be great.  I will explain what happens today in my next post for those who are interested.  Hope everyone is well....

picture from our room

moutains in background

Emotional good bye

I thought I would hold it together but....who was I kidding. I am an emotional person to begin with, plus on hormones....so yes....saying bye to Callen was challenging.  He of course had no clue and didn't really want hugs....waving bye bye grinning ear to ear.  He's in good hands and I know it......just weird being away from him.  It must be a female or mom thing....Dennis says he'll miss him but he was fine leaving.   It's different for him. I spent every day, every hour with Callen for so long.  I still sometimes find it strange dropping him off at day care.  :)    Dennis says that in 10 years I will be pushing them to grandparents so we can get away....maybe so. It's just that first lengthy time apart, not knowing how it will go.    I know this is good and we will all have fun.  I know my parents are thrilled to spend time with Callen....we will see how they feel after 10 days of not sleeping in!:)

It's such  a different feeling going this time....more relaxed right now.  Exciting to go back to some of to the places we went to pre Callen and to explore some new. 

Waiting at the airport to board our flight to Toronto...then off to L.A. for us.  All packed up, probably with too much stuff...oh well.  Looking forward to some sunshine to give us good luck.  Thanks again for everyone's love and support along our journey...

Getting closer.....

Work is done..... Now the packing begins...For those that know me.... I really dislike packing! :) I am picking fior myself.... And for Callen .   He's staying with my parents.   It's quite amazing how much one little man needs! :)
As for me.... I am trying to not over do it.   Dennis always teases me.... There are stores where we are going!!

We drop off Callen at my parents later today.   I am nervous about this.   I know he is in good hands and will probably be fine.   We just have never been apart that long..... So I may be a bit more weepy :)    It will be easier for us and more relaxing there,  without a schedule... Which is what I need after the transfer.    Just... Going to be quite strange.

Currently  starting to relax a bit.... Getting my nails done.... My feet need it badly!!!!

One week and counting

Not sure how this came up so quickly on us.  Likely because the past month has been super busy with things at work, a physio college assessment and yes...just life.  It's been a very different yet very similar experience thus far. I think because we have been so busy with other things I haven't really overthought things.  The plus this time around is we have Callen. If things don't work out...we will be disappointed and will have to figure out what next....but if nothing else...we have our wonderful little man.

So....as I said in my last post it is getting real now.  I had my last early morning visit to SOFT for my ultrasound and blood work. Everything looks as it should....my body is getting ready.  I start more meds and my daily injections tomorrow....if all goes well, this will be a 10-11 week process!  Yay....my butt gets to be a pin cushion again.  A little more padding there then the first round...so maybe it will be easier!:) lol.

Hoping everyone can send us the same vibes that they sent last time...  I will write a few times...or more if I hear there is interest in following us again.

That is all for now...please let me know if you have questions or thoughts....take care..

Kablamo

First day of shots today .   Syringe is all ready,  icing my butt before Dennis gets to do the deed.   First time I have really had butterflies in this whole process this time.   Looking at the needle.... I forgot how long it was... Ugh!  I will survive and yes it is all worth it..... But not looking forward to this part again.   For those who are maybe starting the process... Don't be discouraged by my whining.... Just my feelings and emotions.   In the grand scheme of things..... It's not a big deal at all.. Okay... Here goes nothing!!

3 week count down

For those still following our journey we have our date booked to return to California.    We will be leaving the first weekend in October and have the transfer that week.  It's crazy here right now with work, I have some PT college stuff going on and life in general.  I have a feeling everything is going to sneak up on us fast. 
Prepping my body has started and injections start twice a week this coming week. I had an option to not do injections and look into another method but this worked the first time....so I want to keep it the same.

So...yes...Dennis gets to do his "kablamo" injections again!:)  They are necessary but a pain in the butt...both figuratively and literally! Oh well. I think once we get going we will fall back into the pattern from last time.

Emotionally I am pretty good right now. I think as it gets closer and things start slowing down it will hit me more.  I am trying not to overthink it.....the calmer the better for success!!

Anyway...Thanks again to all of you who have been so supportive to us in our first journey and with the upcoming one.   We are fortunate that we have Callen....so if things don't work out...we have a wonderful little man to fill our hearts. But would be nice for him to have a sibling...so fingers crossed!  Will keep people posted along the way.....

For those of you trying... my heart is with you.  It's a crazy tough journey and everyone approaches it differently.  Hugs and good luck!

Beta battle flash back

Many I know are wondering...so...are you going to try again...yes...I think we are.   Not as quickly as some probably expected we would...with our age and all.  But...to be honest I wanted a summer just the three of us, not pregnant, or breast feeding or feeling exhausted from lack of sleep. I am not complaining one bit....I am fortunate to have experienced it all and would never change a thing.  I was actually pretty lucky...but....what's the rush,....right? Hopefully round two will go well and we won't regret waiting....ie hopefully it works right away again.

Anyway, we linked with Dr Hubert in California vie skype in the spring.  Lovely man as we remembered him.  Basically said I need to have an ultrasound, blood work and be done nursing before starting.   Nursing was something I wanted to continue for awhile....it made it to 15 months....Callen sort of weaned himself...so very gentle.

So off to SOFT I went for my tests....sort of weird and surreal going in.  Many of the staff I know had been let go wit new management ....."my person" being one of them.  The Dr that had to help with the test is not the most gentle let's say......don't go for a pap to her.  The combo of it being uncomfortable and memories of  being there, the emotions got me really down.  On top of it....she said "its stuck" when trying to unclamp the speculum.  There I am on the bed...sobbing....and visualizing myself going to emerg with a....jammed speculum??  The good news.....she got it undone.  My saving grace was the ultrasound tech who has been through this WHoLe journey and is a wonderful gentle woman.  She talked with me after, was okay to give me a hug....   I pulled it together, talked about Callen and back to work I went..

So weird....I know our journey turned out perfect and as it should with our amazing little boy.....but the thought of revisiting those feelings and emotions....does scare me.  I know I...we can handleit...but it's been nice having a a break.

Next steps....when should we go to Cali..ie ...when do we want to be due????

Almost two years later....

I recently posted something on Facebook about fertility awareness week.   With that I added a link to this blog.   I have since then had a few people tell me they are reading it.... And others that they are finding it helpful!

So... Maybe I will start up again.   For those who were following before... Sorry for the abrupt stop.   I got tired and busy.... And selfishly I wasn't needing the therapeutic release as much.  

So... The comes notes version is that I was overall very lucky with my pregnancy.   Toward the end I was tiered a lot.... But worked up to two weeks before my due date.   The biggest challenge was that my little one was breech... And would not flip.... I tried everything.... Hang up side down,  osteopaths,  OB trying to flip him..... Nope.... Directional challenged :)   so my dream of delivering naturally with  a midwife became c section with an OB.   That being said... We requested an OB we knew... And the whole team was great.

Fast forward another year..... And we have a cute little man,  Callen,  now14 months and he is love of our life.    All the pain and frustration we went through was worth it.   I don't wish the he journey on anyone.... And I am fortunate with our outcome.... But I am happy with  the path we took and where it has lead us.

If anyone is reading this still and wishes to know more let me know.   I may try to start up more often.. Talk about topics people have asked me about.... maybe about parts of my pregnancy,  first year as a mom or if our journey will continue.

Anyway.... Hope everyone is well...