More cycles, more drugs...

So our failed IVF transferred to IUI was a negative beta...but a clinical negative..meaning something happened.   In one way this was awesome...but in another way was it just making us hang on to this glimmer of hope??  I felt like my emotions were in the middle of a tug of war match.  So we met with Dr M at SOFT and had a hopeful talk.  Dennis' numbers were up last cycle...lets continue with stimulated IUI's (injections but lower dose) or if my follicle numbers look good early in my cycle start a short protocol IVF.   There was no reason things "shouldn't" work...we would just have to be patient with my body.  Pretty much the same advice we got from Dr H in California.  So great! How long do we wait?  When will my body produce more follicles.  These are all questions nobody has the answers for. If we were in our 20's...no biggie...but we aren't!

• So, the next cycle(October) was natural cycle, low numbers for both of us...Negative.

• Next cycle(november), Stimulated IUI which means going on a medication Clomid. (makes you feel yucky and nauseated) and then injections(yes, higher doses for me).  Perk of the  injections is by now I was a pro.  Since it was time specific I used to make sure I was always home, cancel plans.  This time I was doing some at the gym hiding in the bathroom and one trigger injection at work.    Follicles were good number and size this month but Dennis had lower numbers.-->Negative

• Next cycle(December) day 3 follicles look promising...really promising...so short cycle IVF protocol it was. Back on clomid.  I was stressed though...for our next ultrasound.  How do you decide if you continue along with an IVF cycle?  How many embryo's is enough to spend that much money and maybe get nothing? I know I shouldn't think of cost...but you do...or I do.  I think of wanting to continue with our journey if this doesn't work(do we save that chunk of money for it...or take the chance with a lower follicle count), I think of wanting to be able to do things and take our children places when we have them.  To be honest...part of me is just plain angry! Please don't take this the wrong way. I know we are fortunate, we are healthy, we are stable and FINE. Honest...just part of me...maybe the CRA CRA part takes over sometimes....and I SPIN!   In the end my body decided....day 8 ultrasound was low number of follicles again..so IUI it was.  --->Negative...Break time for a month for us....New year ....this is our year!!